Fake it until you make it?

Many are familiar with the term, “Fake it until you make it.” But if being a fake was indicative of us being successful I’m sure there would be so many more people achieving higher levels of success. There is a massively strong correlation in how we think and how we act. So to constantly tell myself lies has never made much sense to me. Although we may speak to ourselves about our constant wants  we are rarely ever effective if we are not aware of our behaviors. And at the end of all it is our behaviors that others see before they notice anything about what we may profess to believe. Yes, you want a job but you speak to others rudely and slam the door in their face? Until we are able to accept our internal voice and notice our actions we will not live to be our best self. We relate with others daily and hope that they accept us for who we are but are often unaware of who we our ourselves. In dating you may want someone to love you but how  could that even be attainable or even long lasting if you are constantly living a lie?

The very important you: Knowing your vices

Major life transitions often trigger introspection. Over the past few years I have been blessed to experience many life changing experiences that have caused me to look at who really matters in my life. I strongly believe that this is something that we all should do periodically over our life time. I began to examine how I relate to those around me and tried my best to gain insight on who the most significant people were in my life and what impact they make. And then it clicked. For the first time I began to think about how often I look at how I treated myself and look at the different aspects of myself. As challeneging as it may be I encourage everyone should take some time to do this. I came up with 5 very important aspect of life that we should all know about ourselves. Over the few next weeks we will visit them. With the first being: Knowing Your Vices.

Enjoying the game (of Life)

 At 21 years old, I was a girl from the south who made a huge transition to sunny California. And dating for me was more about quantity. The more options you have the better. And now in California the pickings were plenty. So I found myself being a serial dater. I had done it all right. I had completed college, had a career, and was on my way to the picket fence and the baby carriage. It became this unconscious race to the finish line of what I thought would be love and happily ever after; but several years later it had only become  disappointing disaster after disappointing disaster.

One day while walking through the park I began thinking about how I had spent so much time running the race with dates that I had forgotten to the enjoy the sights along the way. I neglected my own potential and the only person I had to blame was me. Walking the two mile course of the park I began to question myself. I was conditioned to put everyone first, but isn’t that what we’re suppose to do? You are supposed to be married by now, aren’t you? What is wrong with you, why are you single?

So why are you really Single?

The billion dollar question that everyone seems to ask every time you show up to an event by yourself. Although they say it with “genuine” concern, somehow underneath it feels like they really want to say, “So what’s so messed up about you?” And you hate to admit that you have asked yourself that questions a thousand times also. The anger that it ignites may never be displayed in public but it burns and stings every time. So why not face it?Talking yourself out of the anger and the questions never seems to make that feeling disappear. Yes, you’re angry! You’re tired of being single, you’re tired of being pitied, and you’re tired of everyone acting like something is wrong with you because you are single. We try to convince ourselves that we are constantly happy and that most of the married and coupled people we know are unhappy anyway, yeah right! We just have to admit it, being single can really suck and often times makes us mad.

Single Lesson

Besides religion I think there have been more books, songs, poems and sonnets written on love and/or the pursuit of it. From childhood we are taught the importance of relationships. So the notion of a blog specifically dedicated to being single seems like a complete contradiction. Even the thought of the American Dream with all it shifts in diversity and status still holds on to the idea of living a long and prosperous life in the presence of a significant other.

At this point I have lived thirty plus years single. And during my life I have spent a lot of time thinking of the way I and others relate. The single greatest lesson in all my studying was quite simple. Everyone is an individual. And with that comes your own set of needs, likes, dislike, and wants. We all must get to know our selves so that we can successfully represent who we are and gain the most out of our interactions. From that I began looking at how we could discover those things in an effort to become our ultimate self and do that successfully. Hence the concept Single Successfully.

The concepts of being Single Successfully are defined by being able to obtain a fulfilling and happy life while either actively dating or not dating at all. You may desire to obtain a great and successful relationship or you may wish to live a life absent of a romantic relationship. Here I only aim to assist you in getting to know yourself and living a fulfilling life during your singleness. How to help YOU master YOUR singleness is the goal.  The journey should be pleasant, insightful, and fulfilling so that when you walk into your next relationship, if that’s your goal, you will know yourself and know what you bring into that situation.